Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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