I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
