my room smells like sperm. sweet.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
