I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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