I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
