you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
