Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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