I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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