if you like me you must not know who I am
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
third nipple confirmed
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
