it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i will never coherently bang her
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
