It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
