just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
handjob tips. give me some.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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