I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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