I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
