I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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