haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
