matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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