3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
