and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize