How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
