so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
