Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
