Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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