1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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