goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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