I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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