You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
