i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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