so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
