I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
