do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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