I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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