Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
