I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
