There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
