Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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