She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
