therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize