Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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