just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
