I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize