i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
