I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
