what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Vodka?
Forever.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
