and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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