I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
