jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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