If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
