The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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