I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize