The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
