haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
