My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
