absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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