do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
