Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
