Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Who died my cat blue again?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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