i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
