I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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