A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
