Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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