I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
