all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
