wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
