ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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