Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
